sunny day

PUBLIC_FLAG_#{@journal.pf_int} RSS feed of pop's latest journal entries Jan 18th 2010 21:06
The little face in my memorise, like a smile in efflorescing flower. Long long ago there is a boy love you so long. But with the steps of wind all things have gone. How long I have to wait for seeing you again. But in the end of fairy tale you eventually said "bye-bye".
Jan 19th 2010 15:44 Tavi

  • The little face in my memorise, like a smile in efflorescing flower.
  • The little face in my memories, like the smile of an efflorescent flower.[I changed your sentence a bit, I hope that it's what you actually meant to say.]

 

  • Long long ago there is a boy love you so long.
  • Long, long ago there was a boy who loved you so long for a long time, but, with the steps of wind, all things have gone.

 

  • But with the steps of wind all things have gone.
  • But with the steps of wind all things have gone. I added this onto the end of the previous sentence because it sounds more natural. I also inserted the appropriate commas.

 

  • How long I have to wait for seeing you again.
  • How long I have to waited to see you again, but at the end of the fairy tale you eventually said "bye-bye." [I added the next sentence onto the end of this one. Arguably, I could have inserted some commas, but I chose not to this time because it isn't too important. Always remember to put periods inside of quotation marks. It should look like this: "I was happy." It shouldn't look like this: "I was happy". Let me know if you want me to explain that any further.]

 

  • But in the end of fairy tale you eventually said "bye-bye".
  • But in the end of fairy tale you eventually said "bye-bye".

 
You did a great job. Your writing is really poetic and I enjoyed reading it. If you have any questions about the corrections that I made, just message me!

Tavi
Jan 20th 2010 11:17 gk

  • Long long ago there is a boy love you so long.
  • Long, long ago there was a boy who love you for so long.

 

  • But with the steps of wind all things have gone.
  • But with the steps of the wind, all things have gone.

 

  • How long I have to wait for seeing you again.
  • How long have I waited to see you again.

 

  • But in the end of fairy tale you eventually said "bye-bye".
  • But at the end of the fairy tale, you eventually said "bye-bye".

 
Your entries are always poignantly written. I like them. :)
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