Please give me a score if possible~thanks ^ ^
With the rapid development of the science and technology, Computers have entered almost everyone's house. Computers make our life easier and convenient. However, it also has an adverse effect on teenagers because tons of time of the teenagers have been spend on playing computer games.
First of all, it will do harm to a person's health if he spend so much time playing computer games. The computer radiation will do harm to people's skin. And even the most luxurious cream can not prevent it. Besides, if one person spend so much time in front of the computer, he could be so tired that he will not do sports at all. No exercises and long-time sitting will make people fatter and fatter.
Secondly, computer games can turn a honor student into a poor student. Online games can be addictive. Once addicted, the person will care about nothing but playing computer games. He wouldn't go to school for having more time playing. He will pay no attention on study, so that he would not get a high mark.
Last but not least, we should admit that some computer games are too violent and sexually appealing for teenagers. These adult only images may cause the sadistic impluse which is definitly not suitable for the teenagers.
Therefore, for the above problems caused by playing computer games, I should say that we must not only limit the time which is spent on playing computer games but also formulated a censorship to avoid the degeneration of the teenagers. However, I believe this problem will be settled eventually with the development of science and technology.
First of all, it will do harm to a person's health if he spend so much time playing computer games. The computer radiation will do harm to people's skin. And even the most luxurious cream can not prevent it. Besides, if one person spend so much time in front of the computer, he could be so tired that he will not do sports at all. No exercises and long-time sitting will make people fatter and fatter.
Secondly, computer games can turn a honor student into a poor student. Online games can be addictive. Once addicted, the person will care about nothing but playing computer games. He wouldn't go to school for having more time playing. He will pay no attention on study, so that he would not get a high mark.
Last but not least, we should admit that some computer games are too violent and sexually appealing for teenagers. These adult only images may cause the sadistic impluse which is definitly not suitable for the teenagers.
Therefore, for the above problems caused by playing computer games, I should say that we must not only limit the time which is spent on playing computer games but also formulated a censorship to avoid the degeneration of the teenagers. However, I believe this problem will be settled eventually with the development of science and technology.
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With the rapid development of the science and technology, Computers have entered almost everyone's house. -> OR '..., the computer has become part of every household.'
However, it also has an adverse effect on teenagers because they spend tons of time of the teenagers have been spend on playing computer games.
First of all, it will do harm to a person's health if he spends so too much time playing computer games.
The computer radiation will do harm to people's skin. -> OR 'Computer radiation harms human skin.'
And even the most luxurious skin cream (OR skin care product) can not prevent it.
Besides, if one person spends so too much time in front of the computer, he could be so tired that he will not do any sports at all.
No exercises and long-time sitting for a long time will make people fatter and fatter.
Secondly, computer games can turn a honor student into a poor student one.
He wouldn't go to school for the sake of having more time to playing.
He will pay no attention on to his studies, so that he would will not get a high mark.
Last but not least, we should admit that some computer games are too violent and sexually appealing suggestive for teenagers. -> sexually appealing sounds too positive
These adult-only images may cause the sadistic impulses which is are definitely not suitable for the teenagers.
Therefore, for the above problems caused by playing computer games, I should say that we must not only limit the time which is spent on playing computer games but also formulated a support censorship to avoid prevent the moral degeneration of the teenagers.
On an overall basis, I'll give you a 6.5 out of 10 for this essay. You have a good grasp of grammar and your use of vocabulary is superb. Keep up the good work!