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bit long.. need help!

PUBLIC_FLAG_#{@journal.pf_int} RSS feed of hibc's latest journal entries Nov 13th 2008 12:15
It was hard choice for a guy who recoils from a table if a math problem does not get solved. Only his interests were on talking of people’s clothing, dance and jazz music, and flitting around his friends’ my space world.

One day, the day before making his decision, walking around the school’s hall way, finding intriguing class, he saw a student’s project model, similar to an abstract building, set neatly inside of a display window attached to the wall.

For the first time in his life, he felt building was never a beautiful. With a full of curiosity and contemplation, he happened to take the architecture class in the previous fall semester at his college.

The student’s project model already implicated him the grueling days he has to get through, but there is no turning back because this is just the beginning stage of me and my architecture study.
Nov 13th 2008 12:35 niki
  • English
  • Spanish

  • Only his interests were on talking of people’s clothing, dance and jazz music, and flitting around his friends’ my space world.
  • His was only interested in talking about people’s clothes (maybe say fashion instead), dance and jazz music, and flitting around with his friends’ my space world.
Comment  
  • One day, the day before making his decision, walking around the school’s hall way, finding intriguing class, he saw a student’s project model, similar to an abstract building, set neatly inside of a display window attached to the wall.
  • One day, before making his decision he was walking around the school’s hallway when he found a intriguing class. He saw a student’s project model, similar to an abstract building, set neatly inside of a display window attached to the wall.
Comment  
  • For the first time in his life, he felt building was never a beautiful.
  • For the first time in his life, he felt that building's were beautiful.
Comment  
  • With a full of curiosity and contemplation, he happened to take the architecture class in the previous fall semester at his college.
  • Full of curiosity and contemplation, he happened to take the architecture class in the previous fall semester at his college.
Comment  
  • The student’s project model already implicated him the grueling days he has to get through, but there is no turning back because this is just the beginning stage of me and my architecture study.
  • The student’s project model already hinted the grueling days that he has to get through, but there is no turning back because this is just the beginning stage of me and my architecture study.
Comment  
i gave it a shot. i hope i did a good job. :]
Nov 13th 2008 12:50 JapanPlz
  • English
  • Japanese, Spanish

  • It was hard choice for a guy who recoils from a table if a math problem does not get solved.
  • It was a hard choice for a guy who recoils from a the table if a math problem does not get solved.
Comment  
  • Only his interests were on talking of people’s clothing, dance and jazz music, and flitting around his friends’ my space world.
  • Only His only interests were on talking of about people’s clothing, dance, and jazz music, and flitting around exploring his friends’ my space world.
Comment  
  • One day, the day before making his decision, walking around the school’s hall way, finding intriguing class, he saw a student’s project model, similar to an abstract building, set neatly inside of a display window attached to the wall.
  • One day, the day before making his decision, he was walking around the school’s hallway, and finding found an intriguing class. He saw a student’s project model, that was similar to an abstract building, set neatly inside of a display window attached to on the wall.
Comment  
  • For the first time in his life, he felt building was never a beautiful.
  • For the first time in his life, he felt a building was could never a be more beautiful.
Comment  
  • With a full of curiosity and contemplation, he happened to take the architecture class in the previous fall semester at his college.
  • With a Full of curiosity and contemplation, he happened to take the architecture class in the previous fall semester at his college.
Comment  
  • The student’s project model already implicated him the grueling days he has to get through, but there is no turning back because this is just the beginning stage of me and my architecture study.
  • The student’s project model already implicated to him the grueling days he has to get through, but there is no turning back because this is just the beginning stage of me and my architectural studies, and my future.
Comment  
Good job! Very well thought out plot with some difficult tenses, I rewrote on of your sentences and split it up because it was getting way too long. Also, at the end i slightly changed it to give it better meaning, changing 'me and my architectural studies' to 'my architectural studies, and my future.'

Great Job!
Nov 13th 2008 13:00 hibc
  • Korean
  • English, French

Thank you

-JapanPlz-
you remind me of my ESL teacher

-niki-
thank you for the correction.
hibc
  • Korean
  • English, French

63 entries
23 corrections made
46 corrected

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