If I Could Be Someone ...

PUBLIC_FLAG_#{@journal.pf_int} RSS feed of M-K-G's latest journal entries Oct 20th 2011 21:08 correction-please
Would you mind correcting this essay?
I'd appreciate your support!


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If I could change places with one person for a single day, I would choose Kohshi Inaba, who is the vocalist with B'z, a Japanese rock duo.
The reason why I'd choose him is that he is the singer I admire most highly.
I think no other one can sing a rock tune in so cool a way like as him.
I'm sure it feels so great to sing in front of great many people in a strong and powerful voice like him.
So, if I could be him one day, I would play a concert at a big place, such as Budokan or Tokyo Dome, and sing and shout until I'd lose my voice.
Oct 20th 2011 21:49 tony

  • If I could change places with one person for a single day, I would choose Kohshi Inaba, who is the vocalist with B'z, a Japanese rock duo.
  • If I could change places with someone for a single day, I would choose Kohshi Inaba, (who is) the vocalist with/of B'z, a Japanese rock duo. ["With" is usually used for a larger group of people. More natural: "... the vocalist in the Japanese rock duo B'z."]

1 people think this correction is good.  

  • The reason why I'd choose him is that he is the singer I admire most highly.
  • The reason (why/that) I'd choose him is that he is the singer I admire the most highly. [More natural: I would choose him because I admire him more than any other singer.]

 

  • I think no other one can sing a rock tune in so cool a way like as him.
  • I think no one else can sing a rock tune in so cool a way as he can. [More natural: "I think no one else can sing a rock tune in such a cool way."]

1 people think this correction is good.  

  • I'm sure it feels so great to sing in front of great many people in a strong and powerful voice like him.
  • I'm sure it feels so great to sing in front of great many people in a voice as strong and powerful as his.

 

  • So, if I could be him one day, I would play a concert at a big place, such as Budokan or Tokyo Dome, and sing and shout until I'd lose my voice.
  • So, if I could be him for one day, I would perform a concert at a big place, such as Budokan or Tokyo Dome, and sing and shout until I'd lose my voice. [The verb "play" is only used for musical instruments, not for the voice.]

1 people think this correction is good.  
Oct 20th 2011 21:53 Shiawase

  • If I could change places with one person for a single day, I would choose Kohshi Inaba, who is the vocalist with B'z, a Japanese rock duo.
  • If I could change places with one person for a single day, I would choose Kohshi Inaba, who is the vocalist with B'z, a Japanese rock duo. (or a Japanese Rock duo called B'z.)

 

  • The reason why I'd choose him is that he is the singer I admire most highly.
  • The reason why I'd choose him is that he is the singer I most admire. most highly.

 

  • I think no other one can sing a rock tune in so cool a way like as him.
  • I think no other one no one else can sing a rock tune in so cool a way like as him. (or as he does. see below.)

 

  • I'm sure it feels so great to sing in front of great many people in a strong and powerful voice like him.
  • I'm sure it feels so great to sing in front of a great (or so, to avoid using great twice) many people in a strong and powerful voice like him (ok in speech, but like he does is better in formal writing.)

1 people think this correction is good.  

  • So, if I could be him one day, I would play a concert at a big place, such as Budokan or Tokyo Dome, and sing and shout until I'd lose my voice.
  • So, if I could be him one day, I would play a concert at a big place (or venue), such as the Budokan or the Tokyo Dome, and would sing and shout until I'd lost my voice.

 
In that last sentence "until I'd lost my voice" is how I'd say it. "I'd" being short for "I had".
I think if you see "I'd" as a contraction of "I would" it would be "until I'd lose my voice."
Oct 20th 2011 21:56 Shiawase
Also in the last sentence, I read "one day" as meaning some unspecified time in the future (eg One day I'll be famous) rather than the time span you would be the lead singer of B'z.
Oct 20th 2011 22:55 M-K-G
I think no other one no one else can sing a rock tune in so cool a way like as him. (or as he does. see below.)
I'm very sorry, but it's just a careless mistake ...
Oct 20th 2011 22:55 M-K-G
So, if I could be him one day, I would play a concert at a big place (or venue), such as the Budokan or the Tokyo Dome, and would sing and shout until I'd lost my voice.
lose --> lost
Again I'm so sorry for such a careless mistake ...

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