The Earth

PUBLIC_FLAG_#{@journal.pf_int} RSS feed of K's latest journal entries Feb 11th 2012 10:23
A topic

Is the Earth beeing harmed by human activities or saved by humans?

Although there are lots of volunteers who save the Earth such as planting trees, a greater number of people harm the Earth for the following reasons.

Cars are being used to go somewhere such as work places or enjoying leisure. I understand cars are necessary for some areas because people cannot buy food without cars. However, when it comes to Japan, cars are not always necessary because there are lots of transportation such as trains or buses in Japan. Therefore I strongly believe peopple living in metroporitan areas should give up using cars, and use public transportation.

There are also many disposable commodities in the world. When we drink or eat something, we buy bottled mineral water or bottled food. We throw them away as soon as we have them. This harms the Earth. We have to consider this problem. The only way, I think, is to recyle them. Those commodities should be used many times.

Energy is also a problem. Nuclear power plant has been considered to be clean energy. But the accident in Fukushima prefecture has changed the idea. In fact, nuclear power plant contaminated the Earth. One way to solve the problem is to find alternative energy such as geothermal energy.

Human beings have been destroying the Earth. We have to admit the truth. But we can create new knowledge to solve the problems. I believe all people in the world should try to consider the issues.
Feb 11th 2012 19:00 arisha

  • Is the Earth beeing harmed by human activities or saved by humans?
  • Is the Earth being harmed by human activities or saved by humans?

 

  • Although there are lots of volunteers who save the Earth such as planting trees, a greater number of people harm the Earth for the following reasons.
  • Although there are lots of volunteers who save the Earth through such activities as planting trees, a greater number of people harm the Earth for the following reasons. through the following actions. ("For the following reasons" is a phrase you can use when you are going to say *why* someone is doing something. If you were going to list the reasons *why* people harm the Earth, you could use that phrase.)

 

  • Cars are being used to go somewhere such as work places or enjoying leisure.
  • Cars are being used to go somewhere such as work places or enjoying leisure. to places for work and for leisure.

 

  • I understand cars are necessary for some areas because people cannot buy food without cars.
  • I understand cars are necessary for some areas because people cannot buy food without cars. them.

 

  • However, when it comes to Japan, cars are not always necessary because there are lots of transportation such as trains or buses in Japan.
  • However, when it comes to Japan, cars are not always necessary because there is a lot of (public) transportation such as trains or buses in Japan.

 

  • Therefore I strongly believe peopple living in metroporitan areas should give up using cars, and use public transportation.
  • Therefore, I strongly believe people living in metropolitan areas should give up using cars, and use public transportation.

 

  • When we drink or eat something, we buy bottled mineral water or bottled food.
  • When we drink or eat something, we buy bottled mineral water or bottled food. In English, we don't say that food is "bottled." You can say "packaged food" or "prepared food" instead.

 

  • We throw them away as soon as we have them.
  • We throw them containers away as soon as we have consumed their contents.

 

  • The only way, I think, is to recyle them.
  • The only way, I think, is to recycle them.

 

  • Those commodities should be used many times.
  • These commodities should be used many times.

 

  • Nuclear power plant has been considered to be clean energy.
  • Nuclear power plants have been considered to be clean energy.

 

  • But the accident in Fukushima prefecture has changed the idea.
  • But the accident in Fukushima Prefecture has changed that idea.

 

  • In fact, nuclear power plant contaminated the Earth.
  • In fact, nuclear power plants have contaminated the Earth.

 

  • But we can create new knowledge to solve the problems.
  • But we can create new knowledge to solve the problems. I don't think we "create knowledge" ... maybe "we can create new solutions"? Or "we can use new knowledge"?

 

  • I believe all people in the world should try to consider the issues.
  • I believe all the people in the world should try to consider the issues.

 
One way you might improve your essay marks is to check for repetition in your sentences. For example, "However, when it comes to Japan, cars are not always necessary because there are lots of transportation such as trains or buses in Japan." It is not necessary to say "Japan" twice in this sentence. The first "when it comes to Japan" lets us know that you will be talking about Japan until you say otherwise.

Good luck improving your writing! :)
Feb 11th 2012 19:06 K
Thank you very much. Your advice is very useful. I will try hard to improve my writing.

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