Who should pay for the their first date, men or women.
Feb 07th 2010 16:45
sugoren
Dear Lang-8 users,
Thank you for using Lang-8.
This is Yangyang.
I think it is hard to think the topic what you should write in Lang-8 entries.
So I decided to collaborate with http://sugoren.com/ (There are many date of Japanese love.) and provide one of topic of entries.
If you are interested in this, please write your opinion in your entry.
(Of course in the language you are learning, and it is nice if you also write in your native language after that.)
Here are the questions and some date of Japanese.
Q1 Who should pay for the their first date, men or women?
73% of Japanese men said they will pay.
http://girl.sugoren.com/report/post_293.php
Q2.How can you answer the question: "Does he like me?"
Japanese women feel " He likes me" in the following situations.
・He definitely noticed me
・When being asked to go on a date many times.
・When being asked about what type she likes.
・When being asked about ex-boyfriends.
Q3 What will you do when your loves fails?
Japanese women will do the following things.
・Cry
・Throw away photos, presents and all things with his memories
・Delete all e-mails/messages from him.
http://girl.sugoren.com/report/post_440.php
Please add topic tags with "sugoren" when you write a entries.
Then it will be easy to find.
http://lang-8.com/journals/search?tag=sugoren
*sugoren.com will collect statics on the result of your answers for their site, if you add the tag sugoren.
Thank you very much,
Yangyang
Lang-8 staff
Best 20 sites(Japanese)
http://lang-8.com/pr
Thank you for using Lang-8.
This is Yangyang.
I think it is hard to think the topic what you should write in Lang-8 entries.
So I decided to collaborate with http://sugoren.com/ (There are many date of Japanese love.) and provide one of topic of entries.
If you are interested in this, please write your opinion in your entry.
(Of course in the language you are learning, and it is nice if you also write in your native language after that.)
Here are the questions and some date of Japanese.
Q1 Who should pay for the their first date, men or women?
73% of Japanese men said they will pay.
http://girl.sugoren.com/report/post_293.php
Q2.How can you answer the question: "Does he like me?"
Japanese women feel " He likes me" in the following situations.
・He definitely noticed me
・When being asked to go on a date many times.
・When being asked about what type she likes.
・When being asked about ex-boyfriends.
Q3 What will you do when your loves fails?
Japanese women will do the following things.
・Cry
・Throw away photos, presents and all things with his memories
・Delete all e-mails/messages from him.
http://girl.sugoren.com/report/post_440.php
Please add topic tags with "sugoren" when you write a entries.
Then it will be easy to find.
http://lang-8.com/journals/search?tag=sugoren
*sugoren.com will collect statics on the result of your answers for their site, if you add the tag sugoren.
Thank you very much,
Yangyang
Lang-8 staff
Best 20 sites(Japanese)
http://lang-8.com/pr
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Is the English version available for this? If I can't understand Japanese at all, how can I take advantage of this?
Anyway, I don't think it's hard to think of what I should write. (Sorry!)
>Konitram
Thank you for your correction!
>Roomy
I'm sorry, but there are not English version for now.
Your entries will help sugoren.com to provide English version : )
Really strange answers, but maybe that’s usual in Japan. Actually, in Germany men also pay for the first date usually, but I think it’s stupid. It’s a bit like “buying” the girl.
Probably, it’s also wrong to talk about love in most cases, especially when you call them “girls”, because what most people feel is just a sexual attraction. I think when you are older and a real love fails, then you will be wise enough to know it’s wrong to throw everything away.
>Stefan Koch
I would have to disagree that this is strange. In Canada, it's very common for the man to pay for the first date -- it shows generosity and a chivalrous spirit. Courting a girl in this manner isn't "buying" her, it's showing kindness and putting your best foot forward to impress her.
That's my opinion, anyway. I was shocked to find that these answers are so similar to what you'd find in Canada!
Stefan Koch
As 'girls' is not a really good way to call female,so how to address them correctly ?
Basically I agree with you,I dont thnk men should pay for dates or even everthing,as most women require "equal right"(well,I do), that women should pay the bills sometimes and contribute to the relationship or the family as the men do, personally spkeaing,I think that would make me feel more at ease in the relationship,also the relationship will be more equal (Sorry for my poor English,hey,if anyone is willing to give a hand ,please correct my mistakes,thankssss^^)
I agree with Stefan Koch and Zhuo. It's disrespectful when men talk about there date as "girls". They should call them "women". In case of the payment I have a different opinion. Here the one, who asked for the date, should pay the bills if this doesn't bother the other one.
In Russia it is normal for the man to pay at a restaurant etc not only on the first, but also during the whole relationship :) It doesn't show, at least in our culture, that the man "buys" a woman (a woman could easily be earning several times more than her male partner).
Thank you for sharing the good site.
Thanks for the link, I will try and check it out ^.^
I must say that it is the second half of what Stephen Koch said that I appreciate. As for the other comments, I think it depends on the person's preference and/or culture. There is no completely wrong or right answer as to who should pay what.
Interesting topic. In America, it's normal for the guy to pay for it, but if It's the first date, I try to get the woman to pay for herself. Sometimes they think it's fair, but others will look at you crazy and expect the man to pay for everything.
Since I'm not some kind of wannabe feminist, I should say that a man paying for the first date sounds ok. I don't think that for people who really need each other and whose aim is not to take advantage of the other "who pays today" is going to be a problem.
I think, in most countries, guys are the ones who pay for a meal or anything for "ladies". This is not a peculiar thing in Japan, I suppose. Anyway, I fall into the 27% of Japanese guy;)
In New Zealand it's much the same - the guy usually pays for the first date, although this is only customary - a kind gesture - and not really expected.
Hmm, I'm gonna lead this question to a bit different direction. Who pays for the first date between a couple of the same sex? I believe it's an interesting question, even if is not the point of the survey,
I think both should, if it is in the interest of both.
What an interesting topic!
Nice to see that we share the same thoughts with japanese people.
In the middle-east it's not so (very) popular to go on a date. We usually get married.
But It's ALWAYS the man who pays.
Even when he's out with his sister, mother, or any other girl, it's a shame to let the female pay.
It's an advantage to be a girl tho. LOL
It depends on the individual. Personally, when my boyfriend & I went on our first date, I was all ready to pay for myself, because I wasn't expecting anything based on a past experience (& I can take care of myself). However, he paid for me before I could do anything, so I just let it be. I have to admit--IT IS NICE to be paid for, though NOT NECESSARY. Also, from what I understand about my boyfriend, I think "a man's pride" has a role in this debate (as well as the increase in "independent women" and "feminists" I guess). He tells me often how he wants to be able to pay for me, provide for me, etc., though when he's short on money, I pay for him :P
I think it depends on who asks who. If the guy asks the girl, he should pay. If the girl asks the guy, then she should pay...Though really I think it does depend on the two people involved in the first date. It can vary. They might agree to split the bill, one might really want to pay for the bill for some reason. All the first dates I've been on the guy paid for them, but normally guys ask me out not the other way around. It would take me forever to ask a guy out because I'm too shy XD
I think both sides should pay on the first date. After all it is only a first date and I don't see any dissrespect for neither sides. It is also not about saving money using other people's wallets :-)
It is just I don't make such a big deal of the first date. But I'm always prepared to pay for the girl I'm meeting with.
I would generally accept that we pay for ourselves.
I actually prefer that the woman pay, because it means I will have more money later =) and it means she likes me enough to defy social standards.
I knew this site but this topic was new to me, thanks.
Im from Japan and its typical Japanese thinking, but only in my opinion,
you should pay if you asked date, men / women doesn't matter.
And women should pay half or try to pay if its just date, not being couple yet.
The other hand, many Japanese men has pride and they just want to pay by himself, so I respect them and follow. its kinda difficult. I think they has samurai soul.
what I've learned is if your partner is older or earn more money than you,
you should follow and tell him thank you.
After being couple, I don't like split the bill(go Dutch?) because its not smart.
so if he pay dinner, I pay cafe or lunch or something like that, or buy foods and cook for him.
Sorry for answering so late, but what I meant was not that the term “girls” was wrong, but instead that “girls” are young and young people are rather interested in sexuality (possibly without knowing). Especially in modern times, the terms “love” and “relationship” lose their meaning. Some people say it was modern if there are many divorces. Maybe it is, but it is also a sign of people not being able to deal with even minor problems and thus leaving each other. That’s why I say the term “love” is used much too often.
It will be nice if guys will pay on the first date but time has changed. As a female, I don't really mind doing 50/50. :)
In Canada it is normal for men to pay for the first date, but I think that if the woman asks the man for a date then she pays and if the man asks the woman out then he pays :)
I think that 50/50 is best. Its a first date, because you don't really know each other. Perhaps the relationship will not advance past the first date for some obscure reason. You have no way of knowing.
I have been on dates where the only reason the girl went out with me was because she wanted free food. Not everybody is like that I admit. But everyone who has been on more than one date, has probably gone on some "bad" dates.
50/50 is the logical course for a first date if you want to start an equal relationship in today's society. I always offer to pay for half because I want my date to know upfront what sort of relationship I am looking for. If she is looking for something else... well then good luck to her in finding the guy of her dreams. I am not the one.
Hum.. I like a man who pays for the first date even though I have enough money in my purse. Because I can see his behavior or gesture when he pays the bill.
I think it is nice for the guy to pay on the first date because it will show that he is kind... But I think from now until the year 2050, that girls should pay for first dates and an equal amount to what men usually have paid for the past fifty years.
Then it will be equal and we can pay 50/50 for the bill, or take turns paying the bill.
I find that women are all for equality, as long as they were the ones getting the short end of the stick in the first place.. ;)
*dodges flying tomatoes*
In Vietnam, men always pay for the bill if he go out with the group of girl who is younger than him. Men also pay when he go out for a date. Women feel they are worth when the men pay for that. Because women think if men love money more than her, she should not go with him any more. LOL
Men feel gentle when he do that. If they are lovers, they maybe share the bill after. Sometime Vietnamese women find the other way to repay the bill such as gift or pay for some thing else after the dinner because maybe they go around or do some stuff.
In China we split the bill for the first date and even the first several dates. We don't know how far the relationship could go, so we don't want to owe the guy something. As the relationship goes closer, we are glad to see that the boyfriend would like to spend money on us.
But this way is only shared by well educated women who have abilities to earn money by themselves.
I am not agree with the comentario above. I'm Chinese, and in China I think 100% men will pay for the first date, not split the bill. It is almost like a tradition. The girl will think if the man who dates her doesn't pay for the bill, it means that he doesn't care about her. It is a respect. but after the marriage, the wife will pay more than husband.
I live in Spain, I don't know what the most of spanish first date is like. but all spanish guys I know insisted to pay the bill, not for dating me, it is like an invitation, if they call me to go out, they already planned to invite me.
In my case, when I'm sure somebody likes me, they say to me exactly that they like me.
I don't like to fall in one-sided love. If my love fails, I'll take care of myself and find another man.
o_O I would feel akward to let someone pay the date.
I would feel i owe them something in return :/
And later on,it would be ok if he wants to pay,or I pay.. Who cares.. Im not the type of girl who measure the guys interest/love on me by money!!