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IELTS Essay : Gap Year

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Aug 17th 2012 10:44 IELTS WRITING ENGLISH
TASK:
Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between a high school and a university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. Do you agree or disagree?

WRITING:

Recently, the Gap Year for students is a hot topic to discuss. It means a rest in one's education career after high school graduation. In general, most of the students directly enroll in university or college after high school. However, more and more teachers and parents recommend students to spend the Gap year to broaden their horizons.

In such opportunities, students can spend their time freely on what they want such as traveling, short-time exchange program, internship, part-time job, and so on. Experiences outside school may help students' growth in terms of communication skill or independence, and furthermore, some affairs in the break can motivate students to study or work hardly. In addition, the Japanese school year begins in April, not in September like in the United States and other countries. Japanese students who want to study abroad have to spend gap terms from the point of view of globalism.

On the other hand, some says students can experience travel and work enough in the vacation. In most university, students have enough free time in sabbaticals more than 2 months in summer and spring. If it is not sufficient, he or she can be absent from the school, and exchange programs also help the student. Till now, Gap Year systems have not developed. As far as educational systems have not change, students can not spend their gap terms at ease.

Although it needs more improvement for the Gap Year system in Japan, I personally agree with the system can help students' success in their lives. However, it is not sure that students who spend gap terms are more advantageous than students without a break because sabbaticals are also available to them for additional experiences.


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Heijoushin.Gaijin
Aug 17th 2012 15:13
  • Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between a high school and a university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education.

  • Some people think that students who don’t take a break in their studies between a high school and a university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education.

 
  • Recently, the Gap Year for students is a hot topic to discuss.

  • Recently, the Gap Year for students is a hot topic to discuss.

 
  • It means a rest in one's education career after high school graduation.

  • It means a break in one's education career after high school graduation.

 
  • However, more and more teachers and parents recommend students to spend the Gap year to broaden their horizons.

  • However, more and more teachers and parents recommend students to spend the take a Gap year to broaden their horizons.

 
  • In such opportunities, students can spend their time freely on what they want such as traveling, short-time exchange program, internship, part-time job, and so on.

  • In such opportunities, Students can use this opportunity to spend their time freely on whatever they want such as traveling, short-time exchange programs, internships, part-time jobs, and so on.

 
  • Experiences outside school may help students' growth in terms of communication skill or independence, and furthermore, some affairs in the break can motivate students to study or work hardly.

  • Experiences outside school may help students' growth in terms of communication skills or independence, and furthermore, some experiences during the break can motivate students to study or work harder

 
  • Japanese students who want to study abroad have to spend gap terms from the point of view of globalism.

  • Japanese students who want to study abroad during their Gap Year have to consider the academic years of other countries.

    Hmmmm... this was kind of difficult to understand so I've mostly re-written it.

 
  • On the other hand, some says students can experience travel and work enough in the vacation.

  • On the other hand, some says that students can experience enough work and travel during their vacation.

    "During" is a very useful word! Please use it:P

 
  • In most university, students have enough free time in sabbaticals more than 2 months in summer and spring.

  • In most universities, students have enough free time in their 2 month sabbaticals during summer and spring.

    BTW don't you mean "holidays"? I have a slightly different image of a "sabbatical".

 
  • If it is not sufficient, he or she can be absent from the school, and exchange programs also help the student.

  • If it is not sufficient, he or she can be absent from the school, and use this time to do an exchange program also help the student.

    Not sure why you connected these two sentences.

 
  • Till now, Gap Year systems have not developed.

  • Until now, the Gap Year system has not been developed.

 
  • As far as educational systems have not change, students can not spend their gap terms at ease.

  • Since the educational systems have not changed, students can not spend their gap years at ease.

 
  • Although it needs more improvement for the Gap Year system in Japan, I personally agree with the system can help students' success in their lives.

  • Although the Gap Year system in Japan needs more improvement, I personally agree that the system can help students' succeed in their lives.

 
  • However, it is not sure that students who spend gap terms are more advantageous than students without a break because sabbaticals are also available to them for additional experiences.

  • However, it is not certain if the students who take Gap Years have an advantage over the students who don't take a break because sabbaticals are available to them for additional experiences.

    This sentence feels a little long and awkward.

 
Very good, just be careful with your plurals. Also note that you "take a gap year", not "spend a gap year".

I'm not sure myself. I agree that the experiences are valuable, but after having freedom for one year, I think it's really hard to find the discipline to go back to school again (especially since overseas, university is really tough)
Aug 17th 2012 16:24 katie
Thank you so much!!! I think I'm not a good plural user X) Do you know books or websites to learn plural and articles??

I see, that's true! Did you take a gap year? In Japan, it is rare case so far.
I traveled around in my gap terms and vacation though... it's a rare case.
Naturally then, I felt that going back to school is too tough for me X)
But it was really great experience for me ;)
x

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TASK: Some people think that students who don’t take a break in studies between a high school and a university are at disadvantage compared to students that travel and work after high school before furthering their education. Do you agree or disagree? WRITING: Recently, the Gap Year for stud


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