My mistake

PUBLIC_FLAG_#{@journal.pf_int} RSS feed of Steven's latest journal entries Nov 11th 2009 04:37
Originally, I thought that on-line chatting will take a lot of time.
so, I decided to write e-mails instead of MSN chatting.
but when I was writing a mail, I had more thoughts than using MSN. It took more time than the other. It was a big mistake.
Nov 11th 2009 05:15 ymistry

  • so, I decided to write e-mails instead of MSN chatting.
  • So, I decided to write e-mails instead of MSN chatting on MSN.

 

  • but when I was writing a mail, I had more thoughts than using MSN.
  • But when I was writing a mail message, I had more thoughts than when I use using MSN.

 
Great job!
Nov 13th 2009 03:06 cditeachergreg

  • Originally, I thought that on-line chatting will take a lot of time.
  • Originally, I thought (that) online chatting will would take a lot of time. (or "a long time") (We sometimes leave out 'that')

 

  • so, I decided to write e-mails instead of MSN chatting.
  • so, I decided to write e-mails instead of MSN chatting on MSN. (I think you should attach this to the previous sentence, in which case you would put the comma before 'so'.)

 

  • but when I was writing a mail, I had more thoughts than using MSN.
  • But when I was writing a mail an e-mail one time, I had more thoughts than using MSN realized that I had more and more thoughts as I wrote, a lot more than when I would use MSN. (The problem is that it sounds weird to say that you have "more thoughts," so it needs to be explained/illustrated.)

 

  • It took more time than the other.
  • ... It took more time than the other just using MSN. (I feel like this sentence is expressing a slight embarrassment, so I added '...'. Using 'the other' here sounds odd because 'the other' is usually used more formally, or for when presenting choices.)

 

  • It was a big mistake.
  • It was a big mistake. (You should connect this sentence to the previous one with a dash [--])

 
I really only agreed with one of ymistry's corrections ....

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